Friday, July 18, 2014

UN-PLUGGED

The first and most important thing an individual can do is to become an individual again, decontrol himself, train himself as to what is going on and win back as much independent ground for himself as possible” 
― William S. Burroughs

Earlier today, I logged into Facebook and Twitter and for some reason literally became physically ill. I have no idea as to why, but my head started pounding, I felt my stomach start to churn and I was super close to bursting out in tears. I decided that maybe I needed to unplug for the day. I think it may have been the best decision I have ever made. It gave some time to ponder different things that are going on in Cyber-World.

I sell my handmade jewelry in Cyber-World. I love being part of group(s) of creative people. But let's be real, creative sometimes equals crazy and, overall, that isn't a bad thing. In fact, with the right circumstances, it can be quite fun. But, unfortunately, many creative types also have major egos and attitudes. I know this for a fact because I am that way myself. And at this moment, egos and attitudes are running rampant. Normally this is a good thing, but not at this juncture.

Now I'm not going to get into the whats, whys or whodunnits. There is no reason to go there at this point. It is time to think about what is best for me at this point. I have seen myself be mean accidentally to a dear friend. I feel like my creative mojo is waning. And then today happened.

I did end up breaking down. A major part of me just wants to give up. My self-esteem in my talents and my products hit an all new low. All the negativity just came to the surface with the tears. (Thank Creator I was no where near my beads – we don't even want to know what I was thinking!!)

The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” 
― Sylvia PlathThe Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

So now I need to figure out how to bring myself back to where I need to be. I want to know where to go from here. I do know it won't be on a group selling site. I know I can be who I was again. But maybe shutting down for some time was a good thing. Perhaps, being away from everything gave me time to find ME!!! I came back online tonight only because I had a give-away to close out tonight. But during the day I was able to crochet and just chill. No constant posting to get my items noticed. No dealing with any misquotes or anger issues. Just sage smoke, total quiet and yarn. Then Bliss!

I'm not going to make any major changes right now. I do know I'm going to fly solo from this point. Maybe I'll take the whole weekend and just un-plug.....


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